Reflecting on 2024: Growth, Connection, and Trans Joy

In this heartfelt episode of Trans Joy Boise, Bonnie Violet (she/they), a trans femme digital chaplain, and Pacey (they/he), a transmasc mental health and recovery advocate, reflect on the highs and lows of 2024. From personal milestones like starting hormones to community-building efforts and navigating the challenges of being visible advocates, they share their candid thoughts on growth, resilience, and connection.

Tune in as they explore the power of fostering online and in-person relationships, share lessons learned during the holiday season, and look ahead to what 2025 holds for themselves and the community they love. 💜

✨ Highlights:

• Personal reflections on transition journeys 🏳️‍⚧️
• Building connections and a supportive online community 🌈
• Hopes and goals for 2025

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Let’s celebrate trans joy and resilience together!

Transcript

Everyone can see my super fancy sweats. And I can't see up my skirt. Tits look huge. It's the bra I have on, and I did put a little extra in it. All right, so how do we want to get this started? I don't know. Just... Do you want to start it this time? I started a lot of the time. I don't mind starting it again. I'll start next time. Okay. We feel good about the look. Is there enough lighting? Yeah, I think it looks good. Okay. Yeah. All right, great. Ready? All right. Hi everyone, how's it going? I'm Bonnie Violet. I'm trans femme, genderqueer, spiritual drag artist, and a digital chaplain. I use she, they pronouns, and you found yourself on the Trans Joy Boise podcast with me and my co-host. I'm Pacey. I'm transmasc. I use they, he pronouns, and I'm a mental health and recovery advocate. Awesome. Perfect. I threw in my extras this time. I was like, we'll figure it out. Yeah. It was fast this time. It was faster this time. Yeah. And welcome back from the holidays. You know, today is New Year's Eve, the day that we're recording this. And so many folks, yeah, just getting back from the holidays, I guess there's still technically one tonight. that's still part of the holidays. But we also had a lot of, we posted a lot more, I think clips and stuff from our most recent episode through the holidays, hoping that more people could engage and have a resource or utilize the podcast as a resource during the holiday season. And that's actually what happened. There was a lot of really great, comments on our tick tock in particular I felt like it had a lot of like engagement with folks saying like oh I really needed to hear this or um thank you for this or like there was one person was like oh I feel like such an because I'm not with my family and it's like but they're like but after listening to their podcast I get it I just need to take some space and so Which is great. I think that's what we were hoping for, and so it's kind of nice to know that. Yeah, I love that. For sure. And just knowing, because it's so... When we were recording up until now, it feels like it just went by like that, you know? So I think getting everything set up so that people can reach out if they needed it, and then just kind of go through the rollercoaster of the holiday. Yeah, yeah. That's something that I'm really hoping that we'll continue to do is... be able to really have like a relationship with you all um that are gonna watch and listen to us because you know maybe we're not gonna be out community all the time or you know not everyone can get places but I'd really like for us to be able to have more of a relationship with the folks that are listening to us telling us what we need to be talking about telling us we don't know what we're talking about like you know whatever so I'm really excited about us building a little community online um and then meeting folks in person of course yeah me too it just feels so daunting sometimes to get in front of the camera and just talk to people and not really feel like they know me or you know I'm just like this representation of something but I've been trying to post more things just like candid things to like kind of build a relationship because you can reach out and talk to me whenever you want to you know I'm always available and I want to yeah yeah I know that both of us are like oh we'll be in front of the camera because we feel like this is what we need to do we both have our own anxieties and nerves about it but it also feels like it's a very important tool um for us to do our advocacy work and stay connected with our community especially as we get into the next year um bring a lot forward for us, but we wanted to spend a little bit of time kind of reflecting on twenty twenty four. I mean, it's what everybody does, right? It's like New Year's Eve. So like all of social media just full of like, you know, fifty thousand pics of what happened to people this year and, you know, all that sort of stuff. And so what are some of the things that come to mind for you as far as twenty twenty four? Oh, wow. Twenty twenty four was all over the place for me. I started it off with a pretty rough breakup. And but I also started testosterone in January. So that was and I had taken testosterone a few years ago. And I stopped and then I started again in January. So I feel like I've simultaneously been in my transition for years. And also I'm just at the beginning of it. Well, and you're back at almost a year again then. So you were on testosterone this whole year? Yeah. What kind of things did you notice? Or how was the experience for you? It was different this time just because I felt like my dose was accurate. The last time I did it, I think the doctor that I was with uh was new and a little inexperienced right so my dose was never right like we would go and get my blood work done and it was always way too high and I never got a lot of the changes that I wanted to see but this time I feel like I've really been seeing changes uh and as much as you know like my body I've grown like my whole body has just expanded right right and I know you keep coming with like t-shirts that don't quite fit you anymore yeah it's like it's great but it sucks because I love those shirts I've had some of those shirts for like over yeah and they're just yeah I have to give them away so uh that's been really nice and going to the gym and being able to build muscle way faster is really nice and I've been getting facial hair but not nearly as fast as I would like but I still like I have to shave my face all the time now which is I wish I could just give you some of mine. I do too. Because, like, I'm not, I've been off of testosterone blockers for a few weeks because I don't have access to them. And, like, I shaved, like, I just shaved. Yesterday I shaved twice. And I'm just like, I'm back to, like, shaving like I was before I started hormones three years ago. And it's like, I didn't think I minded that much because I was still shaving every day, which kind of still felt like a lot. Mm-hmm. But now that it's like, I'm like, oh my gosh. Yeah. But you know, it's like, it's whatever. So I shave a little bit more. Yeah. Yeah. That's a pain though. Yeah. It's whatever for now. I think it's just temporary. Yeah. It will be just temporary. Yeah. And luckily I think I've gotten to a place where like, I just can be a lot more comfortable where I'm at in my transition as well. Like a couple of years ago or whatever, I probably would be freaking out a lot more about it and I would be very unhappy about it. probably pissed at everyone and myself and everything and I'm just like okay this is just the way it is right now I don't mind it that much my friends around me aren't poking fun or making comments about it my boyfriend you know he's cool with it like he you know what I mean like he's not like yeah right yeah so you know it's something that we can kind of like work through whatever it's great He is, yeah, that's something. I know it's so weird saying boyfriend. I know, I love it though. But just because we're grown, you know, it's like when you, I think of girlfriend and boyfriend to me, it's like, it just makes me think of my younger, my much, much younger years. Yeah, but I mean, it's still, what else would you call them? Yeah, we were just reflecting on, it's been four months since we've been hanging out, which is so crazy to think. Yeah, that is crazy. It seems like it was just yesterday. And it's none of your business, people. They're like, who is she dating? They don't care. But yeah, it's been a year of a lot of growth for me because the summer before last, I finished my ketamine therapy and I... I was kind of still stuck in this place that was unhealthy up until this year. And now I've really been able to see a lot of the positive changes from that. So that's been really exciting. And I think that I wouldn't have necessarily started testosterone again if I hadn't had that experience. So I've just been really focusing on being as mindful as possible and just enjoying every day as much as I can. yeah this year was definitely a year for me where I felt like I needed to kick it into gear um just in the sense of like the I took a long time to be away from everyone and everything like a lot of my relationships changed with my family and my friends and work and so many things and even with myself and I was just like I was at a point that if you couldn't like show up for me in a certain way I was done like I just had to like I really shut down and I got to where I was pretty isolated and pretty alone but and so by the time I was you know I was ready in a lot of ways to kind of like because I felt like my life had plateaued in so many ways emotionally mentally financially every way you know I just kind of plateaued and part of that was I reached a point I like that's more about me than it is about anything else and so my transition has a big been a big part of that but my transition has also like caused me to like make changes in relationships and changes in the way that I live and my sex life and things like that that have all been really good for me um so it's just been adjusting to all that so this year you know I started my own business. I started a queer chaplain, which is something I've been doing for years, but it actually like get an LLC and go through that process. I'm starting to debate whether or not that was a good idea or not. But I did do that this year, which felt good at the time because I'd been kind of putting it off and putting it off and putting off just because I was scared of like just taking that leap, even though I'd been doing the work pretty much for a long time already. I think that my transition not necessarily my transition but everything surrounding it like where we are politically in this country right now forced me out of a lot of different comfort zones you know with like this especially because you know before I was I wasn't really vocal about my transition and I thought that it was more of a private thing not something that I really cared to talk about right right to be honest And after everything happened, I was like, we have to. We have to be vocal. We have to talk about it. We have to make sure that people know that they're not alone, keep people as informed as possible, try and bring people together. And that goes into what you were saying about being uncomfortable in front of the camera. But we feel like we have to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The same... goes for like because of the work that we do here I've been getting more used to being in front of the camera so I've been able to do more for like the the ketamine advocacy business thing that I have and just it gave me the confidence that I needed to be able to move forward in other avenues of my life yeah yeah so it's been as awful as and scary as it has been know where we are right now in this country it's also kind of helped me to step into the role that I feel I I want to be in yeah a lot like what we talked about in our holiday um episode was this idea like if it's uncomfortable lean into it if it's painful maybe not and I feel like this year was a year of a lot of discomfort but not pain necessarily or not growth not painful growth put it that way and that's not to say there wasn't pain there was lots of different pains but I think most of it was leaning into the discomfort and growing there and like for me I'm a lot more comfortable in front of the camera I like a camera because I do this sort of stuff more regularly and I actually have transitioned on camera which is kind of cringy to look back at some of my old stuff and see my transition um and it's also kind of you know a nice thing too but the thing that's been challenging for me is just being back one being back in boise idaho and being an advocate an activist involved in kind of like like as a leader um a reluctant leader um and then just kind of dealing with the I was so young when I did it before and I had such had become to have such a toxic relationship with I guess my identity and my role in the community and my personal life and my love life. And I really struggled with like having a healthy relationship with all that. And so I was really nervous of kind of getting myself back into that same way. But the cool thing is, is I've noticed that it's different and that I'm able to balance things a little bit more. And I'm not great at some things still. That's okay. And I've just kind of been leaning on other people to kind of get me through those parts. And that's part of the process of growing, I think. You know, just surrounding yourself with people that will lift you up. You know, like that saying, you are... a representation of your five closest friends. And I always really think about that. And I'm very particular with the people I choose to surround myself with because I want to be around people that will force me to be better and allow me to and help me to change in a positive way. yeah I definitely feel that way if I think of like my five closest friends they're all mostly newer friends they're that I've come to yeah and I'm like okay yeah that's me I'm a reflection of them I'm down I'm down with that yeah it feels good see I I yeah I think that's really important and No shade on past friends. Right. No, of course not. Where I'm at right now. Yeah. And like this version of myself. Yeah. That's where I'm at. And I think that, you know, I struggled with a lot of the similar things with maybe not being the healthiest when it comes to certain things like my identity. And I think right now, everything that happens had to happen in such a way for me to become the person that I am now, because I think, This year, I've been experiencing everything in a healthy way, in a happy way for the first time ever. It's like I'm a new person. I'm getting to experience life kind of for the first time through a brand new lens. And that's beautiful. But it's also scary. It feels weird. It feels awkward. It feels awkward. And I just... I'm still having to unlearn so many toxic traits that I had because I had spent my whole life being this really miserable, depressed, toxic person. And now I, you know, I don't have depression anymore, but if I'm in a situation, especially with other people, my go-to, like my reflex is to respond as like a sick person, like with anger or with doubt or judgment, And that's been really difficult because I don't feel that way, but I just feel that's my initial response. Yeah. Sometimes it's like those thought patterns and we just have to say like, oh no, I don't think that way anymore. Yeah, this is disappointing. Yes, I'm sad about this. I might even be mad, but it's not going to hit me and take me out in the ways that it used to. Even though the thoughts can start to begin. Yeah. I've had to learn to just like... hush that critic really quick my biggest problem is being so guarded because my whole life I had learned through experience after experience that people will hurt you or disappoint you in some way or they'll leave either by dying or something tragic so this year I've been really trying to push myself to allow people into my life because and I know there are a lot of people that know me they know that I've always been very like You stay there. And I'm trying really hard to get past that. So the friends that I am making now, I really appreciate those friendships because it feels so novel. It's like it's novel to me. And I really cherish that because I haven't really experienced genuine friendship like that since... I was a kid yeah yeah I've definitely been valuing a lot more reciprocal or being more on the same level I think I've had a hard time in my own life I think growing up the way that I grew up a kind of the overachiever someone who had to do well in order to get away um I've always been really big on helping others and being of service to a point that sometimes is gross and doesn't really allow well for good balanced friendships. The last few years I've really learned what it means to really ask for help and what it means then that it's okay to need help and what needing help looks like you know what I mean and some of that is just having deep relationships and connections with family and friends a chosen family mostly this year but um and really being able to ask for like it's it's just weird because I think I was always afraid to ask for help because somehow it made me seem like I was less worthy of which was totally contrary to like what I knew um so it's been really cool to kind of find myself because you know a few years ago I remember having a moment I was I was the downest I've ever been like I was ready to like lock myself up in a mental hospital a couple of times and I felt like I was screaming at the top of my lungs like Help me, like, help me, like, fucking help me. And I felt like I was saying it to every person in my life, strangers, like, online, and nobody was getting the message. And I really had to come to realize that I don't know how to ask for help. I don't know how to be seen. I'd been working so hard at being seen as a person who didn't need help, as a strong person, as a person who you can rely on and go to, that I didn't... teach the people around me and I didn't let the people around me know how much they meant to me, how much the role they played in my life and how they could continue to show up for me. Because I think people were just always like, oh, she's strong. She gets over shit. She like she always pushes through. Yes, things are shitty. Yes, things are hard. Yes. But she always comes through. She always comes through. My mom used to always say that. And then all my friends and the people around me and I and it just it was it became toxic. I think that was traits and like it pushed me through a lot of my life but I think it really caused me to plateau and this last year I had to really find a way to um knock myself down um and a lot of this is like my it's my perception right it's my point of view it's less even what the world is doing but more of like how I'm showing up and how am I presenting myself and communicating to the world how to interact with me and i I was just failing. It just became different, what I needed from the people around me, what I could provide. I found myself turning away from certain relationships and potential toxic support. When people want to work with me around recovery or different things, there's times when I've had to be like, no. I have to trust my intuition and be like, this is not the one for you to show up for because you can't because you're not well enough. you know, or sometimes people have a certain struggles that they're going through that are still so difficult or bring up stuff for my own that I'm unable to really show up for a way in a way that I think is really helpful for them. And that is still also not harmful to me or harmful to them in the long run too. Right. You know, it's hard because you teach people how to, how to treat you. Yeah. You know, I say that all the time and yeah, but it's, it's, Because I am the same way. And I would get so frustrated that no one would call and check up on me or any of these things that I would do for my friends. So I was like, well, what is this? Why is this so one-sided? But then I have to look back and be like, I've never asked for help. And even when people offer you help, you say, oh, no, I'm good. No, I'm fine. And I think for me, a lot of that comes from toxic masculinity. Growing up, I was really affected by toxic masculinity just because of the way that I was raised. And I feel like it's safer for me to keep people away but then I need them so it was this weird mix-up that I struggled with for way too long because you know while I needed help I also wanted to stay safe by keeping people away from me and I think now I'm trying to embody the idea that it is an act of strength and courage to ask for help. Totally. Yeah. I mean, it's the strongest thing we can do because it's the most vulnerable thing. Do you know what I mean? And yeah, that's why I think even in the Bible, And other things they talk about that idea, like the, the strength in our weakness. Right. Which sounds like a paradox or whatever, but yeah, I think to be weakest, like I always strive for a soft strength. And that's so it's not so hard, I guess, but I don't even know where I feel like we've, I don't know. We're talking about it. But that's how our conversations always go. We always get going, and it just tends to make sense, I think, in the long run. Well, did you want to talk about your holiday? When did I want to talk about my holiday? It was, you know, as I spoke to, I was excited to go home. I did go to go home and be with my family. I really tried to have low expectations. I had a great time with my mom and my brother, and it was so... My mom was... Yeah, she's really struggling with her cancer. She started chemo again yesterday. Hopefully, she's just got three more. And so it was really hard to see her because I don't see it on the daily. And so to see her have to have chairs set up in the kitchen because she loves to cook. She loves to entertain. And so to see her have to sit at a chair and then get up to stir a pot. And so I did what I could to help cook things and do the dishes and that sort of thing and had a really great time with my mom. as soon as I got there though my dad ran into the room and he didn't come out the whole time or acknowledge me or anything and so it was like back to old shit and I really tried to just um not let it bother me or not notice and and I did I did I think for the most part but like the last half hour so I was like starting to get pissed and hurt by it and try and in a way that I couldn't not because I was trying to also try not to let my mom sense any sort of anything about it right and so but about the last hour half hour I was just like I was hurt I was just like why did you invite me Like we've been in a no talk zone for a long time now. So like, that's no big deal. But it's like, you invited me, you know? But my brother did call me the next day and he said, don't give up on dad. He's like, just don't give up on dad. He wanted, he had intended and he just freaked out. So I don't know. I know there's a part of me that wants like, I appreciate hearing that humanity of him, but then also I'm just like, what the fuck is it? Like, there's no issue. Exactly. You know what? Like, that's the thing that's so frustrating to me, you know? And, and it's also nice to hear that he wants to, but for whatever reason, it's really fucking hard. And I can have some, I, I, Yeah, I think the fact that my brother just called me and asked me really also led me to think that maybe he had a conversation I don't know and maybe it was and it was helpful to hear that because I think I was just like what the like why did you you know and instead and I didn't think of like well maybe he intended to maybe he freaked out maybe you know because I was just too stuck in my own feelings um which is fine um but so it's like but that's that's like the challenge like yeah I have I have reason to be upset and pissed and be like it's not okay and it also could benefit me to have some compassion And I guess hold on to some hope. That's really impressive because I am just so fucking beyond that with people right now. I don't know how much people consistently listen to these, but I have a fantastic family. Very supportive. But over break, so my partner's friend, they have a friend who is transitioning and just went home and came out to their family on Christmas, like right around that time. Yeah. And it shockingly did not go well. It went really fucking bad. And my partner's mom is real close with this, with this person and tried to reassure her. And I was like, well, you know, it just takes, she was saying all the wrong things to this person. And it's just, well, it's going to take them time. You know, they're mourning the person they had hopes and dreams for blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm just like, yeah, her heart was in the right place, but That's not okay. I fail to see the issue because I've seen the flip side. I've played that tape out so many times, not only with people that you read about, but people that I've known. They're like, okay, I'm not accepted. And then they die. So it's like, what is so much of a fucking struggle for you that you don't want to see this person. It does not connect for me. I don't get it either, but I know there's something because my father has always been a huge advocate and supporter of me. He hasn't always been happy with who I am and what I'm doing with my life, but he's always still was kind of proud and all these sorts of things. So there is something that... there's just something that I don't understand yeah that is keeping him from showing up in a way that I do believe he wants to yeah you know well I really hope that when because I believe it will it's just a matter of time I really want to learn from it because I am coming from the opposite end where I have very little empathy and compassion for people like that. And I need to learn also because I don't wanna be close-minded, but I'm also coming from a place of constantly being on the defensive. So it'll be interesting to see what his reasoning is. I mean, it's taken me some time. It's taken me some time, but I think also my brother saying that to me, I have people around me that I can talk to, and they checked in, hey, how'd it go? And so I think I'm just in a different place to where I can... put away my own hurt and feelings and disappointment and stuff, partially because I already already gave up on it in a lot of ways you know what I mean it was kind of like brought back up but I but I think it's sad but I felt like I had to really do that in order to get to a place of like really knowing in my heart of hearts I do know my father loves me he just is struggling to show up for me in a way that um I think he truly wants to and that I um would love for him too and I don't fully understand, but I do believe that he loves me and he cares about me, and he really is just struggling. And part of me was like, well, fucking work harder. But I don't know. I don't know. I think it's just, like I said a few months ago, a year ago, two years ago, fuck off. I did not have the capacity. And I don't know that you've come so far in such a short amount of time. I'm thankful for it. I am thankful for it. And I know people will have certain opinions and decisions. And I would have judged the fuck out of myself in what I'm saying today. But I'm being really honest and sharing where I'm at with this. And I have, in a lot of ways, had to shut down all my expectations and just be willing to show up even if they don't call me by my name. even if they don't see me for who I am now, even if it's something I can't talk about, at least now, I think if it continued on and on and on, I just would stop going because there would just be no need to or purpose to, but I still have a desire. And so that's really what I'm trying to listen to and really trying to be honest with myself about I guess you know see I don't think there's any reason to judge that at all I think it's really I don't either and I think that especially talking to the group of maybe younger people I think that it's really something to look up to because it's so difficult to be able to accept things like that and come from a place of love and understanding and I think that um I myself would love to be more like that maybe one day I will be when I'm not so angry about it Well, I'm learning, I'm learning from them because there is the challenges that I'm having, you know, and I think, I think, you know, I, I was apprehensive of even talking about this because I don't want to paint my dad as a villain or, any of those sorts of things and it feels like it's private and personal but also like I feel like that's part of like what we're trying to do is help people not feel isolated in whatever it is that they're going through and some people might be able to hear this and maybe have some thought of like thinking maybe coming from dad's point of view and that can be okay as long as you are still get you okay you know and there's just certain times in our lives where we don't have the capacity for that We have only the capacity for what serves us and makes us feel good all the time or most of the time. And for whatever reason, I have a little bit of capacity right now. I think because other parts of my life are healthy and feel good that I can be a little wonky. I'm very content with my life, which I would say is like if I could say one word for twenty twenty four, I would say content or satisfied, which is content. a word and a phrase I don't think I've ever been able to label anything in my life because I'm always like oh that could have been better I could do this and it doesn't mean that like everything's perfect but I am really content with where things are at because I can see where they're going. I can see where I came from and I feel really okay. It's not ecstatic. It's not like, you know what I mean? It's not a kind of feeling at times it is, but I'm content with so much of my life in so many areas that a year ago I was really struggling with. But I do feel like I put a lot of work that finally has come into Manifestation, manifestation. Manifestation. I think my word would be hopeful. I had a lot of ambitions and goals at the beginning of the year. Do you feel like you met them? I think I met some of them. I think that a lot of the goals and the accomplishments that I've met throughout this year were completely unexpected. And I never would have guessed or anticipated because they were things that just sort of happened out of, I feel, necessity. And things that... because of what has been happening and how afraid everyone is. And I think that, this role for me was sort of created and like for myself, like the kind of person that I want to be. And I'm really hopeful that I can continue this growth and become an even more authentic version of myself by this time next year. Yeah. I think the timing is right. I mean, I know that we've talked about it a long time, but you and I, I think are becoming the people that we've wanted to become as trans, like an activist and like, you know, people who care about shit and try to do something about it. And we've talked about even working together a lot, and the timing hasn't worked for us. And I always knew it wasn't us, as in we shouldn't work together or we can't work together, but it was more of neither one of us are ready yet. Yeah, you're right. Absolutely. Like, I always felt that. It was never like a, you know, it was like, okay, now it's not the time. Now it's not the time. Now it's not the time. And then it just clicked. And at the time, I thought I was so ready, right? But then looking back on it, I was like, whoa. There was still work we needed to do. But I do think that we needed to kind of, like, say it to each other. Mm-hmm. so that, I don't know, so that we knew it was possible. And then the work, then you can do the work to prepare for it. It's kind of like, you know, it's like, I always feel weird talking about spiritual shit in here, but they're like, kind of be careful what you pray for. Be careful what you ask for, you know? And it's this idea of like, I'm putting out there that I want, to do this thing it's like okay all right you can do it but like in order to do it you need to like do this this and this and this and you need to learn this and you need to let go of this and you need to you know in order for this thing to happen yeah you can have it yeah but uh it's gonna be a journey an example of that because like in recovery in twelve step they say like don't pray for patience because then something will happen in your life where you desperately need to be patient and it's just terrible but one thing I've seen you know that stone uh moldavite a stone called moldavite and moldavite it what color is it uh it's like I'm like blackish blue okay no and it's I think I everyone that wears it I guess it challenges you to be like a better person better version of yourself but I've heard so many stories of people wearing it and then just terrible things like oh wow horrible adversity happens and then they have to but like my partner just wears it and dares it and it makes me very nervous so that's just my superstition yeah coming in I know right I was like not a very superstitious person but I think I am in ways that seem cringy at times but uh I'm a skeptical person too oh yeah which is always yeah I'm always like yeah my sponsor is always like girl, could you just do something? Because she'll be like, she'll make us, how about we do this? I'm like, how about we do this? It could be this like silliest thing. Yeah, it's funny. Well, there was one thing that happened on my vacation that I want to talk about. Yes. gosh all right so we all it was me my partner and my mom my dad and we went to a steakhouse which is already like a conservative breeding ground and I'm doing my best to fit in you know like I wear like a hoodie and a flannel all over that like bulky you know yeah exactly I like blend into the walls and we're there and my parents they're both deaf right and they can barely hear anything my mom has hearing aids doesn't in this instance it didn't matter didn't matter yeah so she felt like it was the appropriate place to talk about my aunt who asked like about my my gender and about pronouns and my aunt was has like a master's in english or something and she was saying that she just can't do it with the the day then because it's not proper english so we had a big conversation about how it is uh and then it's it's steadily getting louder as the together volume it's starting to get louder and louder and my mom was like Well, I told her that if she didn't want to use they, them to just go ahead and call you he, then. And then she just kept repeating it, calling you he, then. She could just call you he, then. And everyone started to, and I was like, okay, can we talk about this somewhere else? Because I was already getting books from these ultra conservative men that were just like, I see you. And I just think that, And then my dad thought it was really funny because he's like, heathen. It's this whole fucking thing. Sorry, I wasn't laughing. No, it's just a typical family thing. So I just kind of wanted to touch on how important it is to use... the right pronouns in public. Oh, yeah. Because instances like that... Safety. Yeah, because of safety. I felt so exposed in that instance because normally here, like, I will go so far out of my way to not draw any attention to myself and to go as far into, like, passing as possible for me. Yeah. So then just kind of yelling it out to everybody and I was like, I'm gonna get fucking hate-crimed on the way to the car. This is ridiculous. Yeah. And... that's like the one thing that's been a struggle with my family has been pronouns and stuff like that so yeah I think the people close to it closest to us have the hardest time yeah yeah I think so too it's just because I have I'm the same with my family that you are like with your with your dad right uh I don't care like if they say it when we're at home whatever the only time that I really get frustrated is when we're around other people. And not because I'm like, because I get upset by being misgendered. I understand why my family is- It's more about the concern. Yeah, it's the safety concern. Because I'm so used to living here in Boise where it is- dangerous and I know there are a lot of people that will argue and say it's not dangerous it is dangerous you know you know like we have had experiences personally that were dangerous yeah so and nevada used to be a swing state but it's red now so it's just and you know you know come on anything can happen there right right so I don't know I just thought that was something that people might be able to relate to mm-hmm yeah what are you thinking for a twenty twenty five since we did kind of like a word or twenty twenty four what kind of word or phrase would you like to spit out into twenty twenty five step might not be the nicest word but yeah that's projection out project that's a good one I'm just feeling like just this sense of overcoming and accomplishing things. You know, I feel like in twenty twenty five is going to be difficult in a lot of ways that we aren't prepared for yet. Yeah. Just kind of a year of reaction. Yeah. And just it's going to we're going to be presented with a lot of challenges that we can't even imagine right now. Yeah. And I but I feel like the prevailing thing is going to be that we will overcome. Yeah, no, totally. Yeah. I think it might be a difficult year in general, but yeah, we will overcome and we shall overcome. Like that's, that's like a given to me how difficult it's going to be is I'm unclear of, but I feel prepared and as ready as I can be, as we can be as like, even our community can be, I think, you know, like beyond just you and I, but I do think our community, we are ready to overcome and we're ready to meet whatever comes our way as it comes our way and do what we can to take care of ourselves and the people around us. Absolutely. I think this year for us was sort of getting established and collecting resources. So now moving into twenty twenty five, I feel like we are prepared with all of the things that we need to successfully navigate whatever comes our way. Yeah, I agree. I agree. I'm excited for what is to come. It's not like to me. I feel like there's so much so many options and there's so many things that can come. And I'm excited about that. I'm excited to bring more people on. uh to join us and who have projects and ideas and things that they're doing that we can just try to help in some way or another um or um you know I'm just really excited to kind of start to have that relational dynamic with trans and non-binary folks but also folks that are wanting to work with us and and show up for us and really working and teaching them right and and uh you know gaining strength from them as well so yeah and I think that's um something we're going to try to talk about next week or on our next episode um we're going to be talking a little bit about and we would like to invite you all to join in we're going to talk a little bit about some of the projects that we are working on or that we anticipate for but we'll also we're also curious and excited to hear from folks about things you think should be happening or maybe things that you are doing maybe um things you're hoping for or you're concerned about, and we can continue to kind of work to collaborate and address those sorts of topics and conversations. So should we say goodbye? Absolutely. Do you want to say goodbye? All right. Yeah. Thank you all for being here with us this week, and we will see you next time. Take care. Bye-bye now. My leg is asleep. Really? Because I had it up like that, but I was afraid to move. Oh, gosh. Oh, shit. That's right. We can edit it. That's what happens. We can edit it out. My guy friend, we're still recording, so my guy friend called it my snow bunny look. Oh, I could totally see that. I'll put it on today. Yeah, you just need like a... Some muffs and some gloves and a big coat. Yeah, some really fuzzy earmuffs and maybe one of those poofy beanies with the pom-pom on top. I do have the puffy earmuff. That's perfect. But I thought they were a little extra for this. No. No? It would be perfect. All right, awesome. Yeah, it's... I'm going to turn this off. Okay. Yeah, you think? Do you want to keep talking? No, I'm just going to talk about it. Do you all want to keep listening? Check in on the next one. Believe it or not.